3 months akong nawala. hindi lang sa blog na to. sa social networking sites at pati na rin sa pagpaparamdam sa kahit sino. for 3 months i shut myself away from the world. life got me, big time.
i disappointed a lot of people, and worried a lot more. but trust me, no one could have been more disappointed or worried for me than i myself was at that time. it was a long and brutal period and yes, maybe it was a little on the extreme end of a midlife crisis. (at this point, most people would correct me and say that its a quarterlife crisis since i'm only 25 but i always tell them i'll probably die at 50 anyway. all that nicotine, alcohol and fat intake would never let me live past 60, no exercise at all would considerably decrease my lifespan to way lower than that.)
on the bright side, i am not suicidal. ayoko ngang magbigti, chaka ung may bakas ng lubid sa leeg. ayoko ding uminom ng lason, malamang bubula ang bibig ko, chaka din un. at mas lalong ayokong tumalon galing sa mataas na building. ayokong isipin kung ano magiging itsura ko pag ganun. on top of it all, pano pag hindi ako nagsucceed? eh di pinahiya at pinahirapan ko lang ang sarili ko! (tapos sasabihin kong hindi ako suicidal! haha.:P)
in case you get any ideas, joke lang yang mga methods of suicide na nilista ko. pramis. yan din ang sinasabi ko dati pa kapag may nababalitang nag-suicide eh. so just in case may nagbabasa nito na nagworry bigla, hindi ko talaga gagawin un. promise. there are a lot more things worth living for. besides, al iz well. :) (yes, 3 idiots pun intended)
on a serious note: it was stupid, inconsiderate and immature of me na maglaho na parang bula at bumalik ng ganun ganun na lang. i am well aware of that. some may say that i have very shallow reasons behind the disappearance. i can't even apologize out loud, not to the faces of those people i've worried. but i really do feel bad about doing that. and i am truly sorry about the things i may have made you guys think or feel. but my emotions were too strong and could not be reasoned with then. reason tried to fight those emotions but was unsuccessful. my emotions beat my reasons black and blue.
sorry, tumagal ng ganun. i didn't really expect or want to keep myself in seclusion for that period of time. i just couldn't bring myself to go and see other people when i was a wreck. my pride just kept me from showing such a vulnerable side of me to anyone else. i wanted to go back once i've settled all the turmoils that were boiling deep inside of me.
this is basically an apology post. for an apology i can not bring myself to blurt out. just something to release my thoughts out there. just something to say that i'm ok... that i'm past that crucial point in my life... that i will try my hardest to never worry anyone else again... that i'm pushing forward... that i'm getting back on track. hopefully, there will no longer be any falling off the wagon for this one. :)
